Cassidy wrung her small, delicate hands in her lap as she sat, waiting in anticipation for the meeting to start. She had been dreading this Thursday for the past two weeks but now that it was here, she really had no option of escape. Jump out the window? No windows. Create a diversion and sneak out the back? She was by her self and didn’t have a decoy to distract the group. There was no way out of this.
She finally decided to stop fidgeting and rest her sweat soaked palms on her brand new BCBGMAXAZRIA dress. It had cost a pretty penny….but it was really really pretty. As she stared blankly at her hands, dreading the group leader’s opening words, her loose bun came out of place and blonde locks fell around her face, enveloping her in a curtain of hair. She felt safe here. Maybe if she just stayed behind this wall no one would notice her.
“Why, Cassidy! I haven’t seen you in, what, eight weeks?!” boomed a female voice from the other side of the circle. Cassidy peaked out of the curtain of hair to see a familiar face. Quickly realizing she most likely looked demonic, she brushed her hair aside to force a smile at woman. She heaved out of her chair (all two-hundred and fifty pounds of her) and made a bee-line toward Cassidy. She was draped in rich maroon silk and donned black slacks. (No doubt some “slim-fast” tip she had read in the latest issue of Teen Weekly though she was only shy of 45 years old.) She was dripping in costume jewelry a every heavy step she took across the circle blinded Cassidy as auditorium lights glared into her eyes. The woman (we’ll call her Jackie) quickly lumbered through the entire circle of 20 or so other individuals…all looking as distracted and not-willing-to-start-a-conversation as Cassidy was. No backing out once eye-contact was made though.
“Cassidy! Don’t I even get a hello?”
“Sorry, um..Jackie, I didn’t even recognize you.” Cassidy stuttered as she looked up at Jackie from her seated position.
“Oh heavens, you’re probably noticing my new blouse from Sax! Isn’t it just stunning?” gushed Jackie, touching herself and enjoying how she felt in the sheer carpet that hid her weight.
“Looks great Jackie” Cassidy forced with a smile.
“Allright ladies and gentlemen let’s get started with our meeting” boomed Mr.Liege from the center of the circle. Cassidy hadn’t even notice that he had made his entrance and had already planted himself in the center of the circle. His lanky figure was tightly formed within a tweed vest, complete with the antique gold pocket watch he wore, without fail, to every single meeting. He eyed Jackie and Cassidy above the bridge of his long, crooked nose and Jackie quickly got the hint, assuming her position on the other side of the circle and taking a seat in the cold, creaky metal chairs.
“Let’s begin the meeting as usual,” Mr.Liege announced, taking great care to make eye contact with each and every individual in the circle before taking his own seat within the circle. “Let’s start with a new face this time….” he spoke a little softer as his eyes clicked back and forth between the new-comers
“I’ve been here before,” Cassidy thought to herself “he wouldn’t pick me to start….I’ve been here before.” Her hands started to sweat again.
“Cassidy!” Mr.Liege said in such a matter-of-fact manner. “Why don’t you start us off? We haven’t seen you in a while and we would all just love to hear what you’ve been up to.”
Cassidy’s thoughts raced, “oh shit. that’s me.” She took a deep breath, wiped her hand once more against the soft fabric of her dress and stood up. She looked over the sea of people….all here for the same reason. Their faces said it all: They hadn’t made it though treatment and that’s why they were here. They had relapsed. They all had the same obsession as Cassidy.
“Hello,” Cassidy spoke, embarrassed by the inflection in her voice. She wasn’t vapid…she was nervous. “My name is Cassidy Reed, I’m 23 years old, and I’m a shopaholic.”
“Hi Cassidy” the entire group sang out in a muted chorus.
“It’s been about….3 hours since my last shopping fix….and before that I had been off of it for….2 and a half weeks.” Cassidy felt ashamed and quickly sat back in her seat. Sensing Cassidy’s discomfort, Mr.Liege spoke:
“Cassidy there’s no need to be ashamed. This is a safe place here and we are all so proud of the progress you’ve made. Isn’t that right?” Mr.Liege addressed the crowd at this point who all responded with heavy nods.
One man began to spoke “Well, I’m Mickey, I’m 58 years old and I’ve been off the strip malls for about 3 months now.” His thick Irish accent caught Cassidy’s attention and she looked up at the short, bearded man who was, of course, dressed impeccably. He to donned a vest but it seemed to be made of a much nicer quality of Mr.Liege’s. His slacks were perfectly ironed and his blazer was dazzling…but his shoes….his shoes were the definition of well-kept and classic.
“But it’s so focking hard these days…with the holidays comin’ up.” Mickey began again, almost slightly angered.
“I’d been goin’ steady and mah wife Marie, bless her soul, was doin’ everything she could to help me. We had sold….six…pairs of my best Cole Hanns.” At this comment Mickey looked down and bit his thumb. A fellow Shopaholic Annomyous attendee put their hand on his shoulder in empathy. He began again. “It’s just so focking hard seeing so many…beautiful shoes. I walk down the street and I see a man with brand new loafers and I wanna’…I just wanna take ’em and run, you know?” Mickey continued, almost breathless “The worst was when I went to the mall…..for mah’ blessed Marie, of course. I was jus’ minding my own business but then it happened. I walked past a Stride Rite…yah’ know, the store for little children and I found the most bEautiful pair of patten leather kicks…with tassels and all. I thought to myself ‘Mickey, get a hold of yourself man, they’re just for babies!’ but I couldn’t walk past. They seemed to beckon to me and maybe, I thought, that I would get home and wouldn’t ever get those goddam shoes outta mah head!” Mickey began to clearly perspire at this point. “So, I walked into the store..I just wanted to hold ’em”
“What happened next Mickey?” Mr.Liege asked calmly. Everyone else in the circle seemed to cling on his every word. Accent and all, he told a very compelling tale.
“Well…” Mickey shrunk lower in his chair “I….I bought them.” A quick intake of breath could be heard ’round the circle and even Cassidy cringed, knowing exactly how Mickey had felt at that point. She herself had once bought a dress from Anthropologie that was two sizes too large…but the collar was in style and she….she just had to get it. ‘What if I never see another one like it again?’ ‘What if this is the only kind they’ll ever make?’ These were only a few of the thoughts that comforted her and undoubtedly many other SA attendees and these were the thoughts that comforted her as she walked out of Anthropologie that day, purchase in hand.
By the end of her daydreaming Mickey had gained his composure and settled back into his chair. The comforting pats of other members surrounding him.
Suddenly, Cassidy had the strangest, and most out-of-the-ordinary urge to speak. Before the better side of her conscious stopped her, she stood up, unannounced and uncalled on.
“You know what? I think you’re a brave man Mickey! So what if we get ‘the urge’ once in a while? So what if we don’t always make the most rational decisions while shopping but we…..we are on the front lines people!” Cassidy’s fists clenched….she felt like Jean Valjean before the French Revolution. “Okay, so maybe we do slip up a couple times…a week…maybe a day…but…but shopping just makes the world a better place and I don’t think I would want to live in a world without stores. I couldn’t even imagine what I would do without those adorable little boutiques in cities you’ll never visit again, or department stores or strip malls or thrift shops or…or Goodwill. Our need to shop is more than just an obsession people….it’s a lifestyle.” The crowd nodded in agreement, some even muttered a charged “yah” or “that’s right”
Mr.Liege was beginning to feel the group becoming unhinged by Cassidy’s speech. “Thank you very much for that Cassidy, now if you can take yo-”
“And if we weren’t going out there and doing our good dead as American citizens, how much do you think our economy would suffer? How much longer do we have to kid ourselves. We need to shop. This isn’t a question of what’s right and wrong, this is simply our reaction to seeing beauty in art…art we can wear and live our lives in.”
The crowd stood to their feet and some started to cheer. Even Mickey got to his feet.
“You know what? I lied, I got this dress 20 minutes before this meeting started! And you know what else? It felt better than….better than an orgasm!”
…….oh shit, she lost the crowd. Perplexed looks.
“I mean, those are great too but…..we all love shopping, right?” Cassidy was back on track
“Yah!” The group shouted
“So why don’t we celebrate our purchases? I propose that we use these meeting to swap war stories about our time on the front lines…or more like, in the lines. At the stores, on the streets. Share out stories and our love of shopping!”
“Mr.Liege,” Mickey shouted, standing on a chair. Mr. Liege had stood on the outside of the crowd that had gathered in front of Cassidy, clearly trying to determine how to reign in the group.
“Mr.Liege I think your time is done here!”
“But I run this rehabilitation group for Christs’ sake! The only reason why any of you even know each other is because I brought you here!”
“Well…maybe we don’t need your guidance anymore. I think we can take care of each other.” This time Jackie piped up.
Cassidy (now standing on a chair herself at this point) looked at the chaos she had created. She realized how right this felt. How right it was to finally celebrate her little obsession with shopping and how many people she could share it with. She felt changed. Renewed, even. And as she once again glided her hands over the soft cotton of her newly purchased dress, she felt happy to be wearing it. She felt proud, even, to know that she had taken an active role into bringing about a sheer and untamed happiness that now was unleashed and released upon the group. She was a happy girl.
And that’s how Cassidy Reed ruined Shopaholic Anonymous meetings forever.
Several Sunny Days 